things i miss
- chance the rapper
- on complex
- hanna b
- leah and sari
- shouting ‘third flo butts’ as we walk up the stairs
- porch parties
- loving parties
- because i love the people at them
- smoking circles
- hearing voices i love in the hallway
- late night plaza mobbing
- last minute pad thai at thai house
- pong and caps in breezy’s room
- using the bekins sidewalk as a runway
- liam not giving a shit
- everyone bein snuggly
i just LOVE johnston so much and am more appreciative of it than ever, not that i wasn’t when i was there too but yaaaa
but i’m learning to appreciate my time here, not to say it isn’t gonna be hard as fuck sometimes still, like even going to bed every night, it’s hard.
but my mom moved my flight two weeks earlier
now it’s -
- uluru road trip
- a week
- blue mountain’s climbing festival
- like three days
- home (radlandz)
it’s seven weeks but it might just fly by.
even this road trip is terrifying me but i thought about it this morning and i know my mom is a huge worrier and i think that i definitely got it from her. there’s no use in worrying, i have done what i can do, and i can’t let it distract me from having an amazing fucking experience on this trip. why am i doing? because this is the shit i love. being outside. driving driving driving. seeing new places. pushing myself to do it even though i’m scared.
while here, i’m learning a lot about myself and what i need. and a lot of what i need in life is not what is here. or at least — a lot of what i’m learning that i need in life is stuff that isn’t here, but yeah i guess that makes sense. i suppose i’m growing a lot and i just have to stay strong and realize/remember that
i’m going to pittsburgh for my 300th high school reunion
Cosmo Sex Tip #4565345
If your partner asks you to be louder during sex, seductively say, “GUH-HYUK” in the voice of Goofy, as loud as you can.
*makes a TED Talk about eating ass*
this song makes me feel like elegy by tycho sounds
your native land, your life by adrienne rich
no person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. there must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors. i think you thought there was no such place for you, and perhaps there was none then, and perhaps there is none now; but we will have to make it, we who want an end to suffering, who want to change the laws of history, if we are not to give ourselves away.
she is gripped by a blue, a foreign air,
a desert absolute: dragged by the roots of her own will
into another scene of choices
i refuse to become a seeker for cures
everything that has ever
helped me has come through what already
lay stored in me. old things, diffuse, unnamed, lie strong across my heart.
this is from here
my strength comes.
why has my imagination stayed
northeast with the ones who stayed?
are there spirits in me, diaspora-driven
that wanted to lodge somewhere?
…there being no distance, no space around
to experiment with life?
for the record
the clouds and the stars didn’t wage this war
the brooks gave no information
if the mountain spewed stones of fire into the river
it was not taking sides
the raindrop faintly swaying under the leaf
had no political opinions
what would it mean to live
in a city whose people were changing
each other’s despair into hope?
you yourself must change it
…what would it mean to stand on the first
page at the end of despair?
in the book of plans it says no one
will speak of the book of plans
the appearance will continue
that all this is natural
…well, i am studying a different book
taking notes wherever i go
wherever a poet is born - enduring
depends on the frailest of chances:
who listened to your murmuring
over your little rubbish - who let you be
who gave you the books
who let you know you were not
alone - showed you the twist
of old strands - raffia, hemp or silk
the beaded threads - the fiery lines
saying: this belongs to you - you have the right
you belong to the song
of your mothers and fathers. you have a people
you, still trying to learn
how to love, what must be done
though in death you will be complete
whatever you do
but death is not the answer.
find someone like yourself. find others.
agree you will never desert each other.
understand that any rift among you
means power to those who want to do you in.
close to the center, safety; towards the edges, danger.
but i have a nightmare to tell: i am trying to say
that to be with my people is my dearest wish.
but that i also love strangers
that i crave separateness
i hear myself stuttering these words
to my worst friends and my best enemies
who watch for my mistakes in grammar
my mistakes in love.
this is the day of atonement; but do my people forgive me?
if a cloud knew loneliness and fear, i would be that cloud.
look: this is january - the worst onslaught
is ahead of us - don’t be lured
by these soft grey afternoons - these sunsets cut
from pink and violet tissue-paper - by the thought
the days are lengthening
don’t let the solstice fool you:
our lives will always be
a stew of contradictions
the worst moment of winter can come in april
when the peepers are stubbornly still - and our bodies
plod on without conviction
and our thoughts cramp down before the sheer
arsenal of everything that tries us:
this battering, blunt-edged life
fellas to my left…honeys on my right…folks who don’t fit into the gender binary levitate above me in cool poses…
Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.